How well do you learn from positive experiences?

I'm nervous about going to a community festival where my band is playing next week.

It's likely to be a joyous, fun occasion when all is said and done, but I'm worried about making a good impression on lots of new people I will meet.

Learning from the past

It is confusing to suddenly realize that most of my similar experiences in the past have been positive.

For instance, last year I felt very anxious and even excluded from Burning Man, when it was hard to get a ticket. But I worked it out, and while there I had a lot of experiences where I felt included. I came away feeling like it was a highlight of my life.

De-associating false predictions

To help myself settle in and relax and enjoy my upcoming event, I'm taking a minute to recall the previous time I had these feelings of anxiety. I'm letting them fill up my body and really be felt.

Then I'm consciously recalling the previous positive outcomes; standing on stage at Burning Man, or playing songs in a circle of musicians, or swimming in Donner Lake with friends on the way home.

My intention is to re-associate the feeling of worry in my body with a prediction of future positive feelings, based on the past positive feelings. I'm trying to incorporate the actual results as feedback to my nervous system.

It's probably going to be fine. Let that in.

Deciding what to anticipate

I'm not sure that I can control the way I feel, but I can consciously control how much weight I give my negative predictions of the future. And I can spend time remembering positive outcomes of the past.

I can become more conscious about what I am anticipating.

By de-associating and re-associating, I'm gradually becoming more accepting of myself and trusting of others to accept me too. I'm finding this helps me lessen the worst-case scenario predictions if they aren't serving me.

Practice

Bring to mind a situation you were worried about (but that worked out in the end).

Feel the worry.

Recall something positive about the outcome of that situation. What did that feel like? Was it relaxed? Joyous? Connected?

Now put yourself in the moment of worry again, but feel the positive outcome.

Reassociate this experience with the “new emotion." Maybe you are now feeling relaxed, joyous, or connected once again. Hopefully this reassociation is soothing to you.

Tracking progress in the Course

For students in the Living in Flow Course, this exercise is from Module 5, Segment 2

(If you're not in the Course yet, you can join for free here.)