Connecting the threads

What are we learning from life at any given moment? How are synchronicities supporting that learning?

I'm currently experiencing synchronicity with how I handle conflict. I'm finding this thread present throughout so many different parts of my life.

As a kid I learned how to deal with conflict by using my head to renegotiate, avoid confrontation, and make peace. But there are some cases in which this technique has not aided me, and life has been showing me these cases through synchronicity.

The beauty is that when we recognize old patterns we realize there are new patterns that can better assist us, without sacrificing our values.

A sudden collision

I dropped my daughter off at camp and was taking a left turn at a stop sign when suddenly my car was jolted from behind. I had just passed a skateboarder 30 seconds earlier, and now I saw them come around my car, having ricocheted off of it! To my shock, they didn't stop but continued going!

I pulled over, a bit shaken, worried about them, but also in a bit of shock from the minor collision. My blood was pumping! The guy on the skateboard stopped about a block away, checked himself out for scrapes, and started to leave. He didn't acknowledge the accident. I called after him, "Are you okay?" He gave a thumbs up and skateboarded off, but didn't respond with any concern for me.

In a way I was relieved, because I didn't want to deal with the liability of someone being hurt, but gradually I started to realize that he had been irresponsible and I hadn't stood up for myself. A nearby construction worker came over and empathized, saying, “Wow, he didn't even stop!”

I have seen this pattern before. I was basically worried about being in trouble, and was avoiding holding the skateboarder accountable. I wanted to find ways to change it, but it was too late for this moment. As I went about my day, I noticed a toxic churn create discomfort in my body. I was holding on to unresolved emotions from the interaction with the skateboarder.

The pattern repeats when left unresolved

The next day I had another opportunity to learn the lesson.

When I was leaving a coffee shop I found that my car had been blocked in by a big delivery truck. As I tried to get out of the parking spot, I noticed myself feeling irritated, but not wanting to bother the guy unloading the truck.

I didn't know what to say. He was working hard, and I didn't imagine him moving the entire truck just so I could squeeze by. I didn't want to impose. My usual way is to swallow my frustration and just figure it out alone.

But I remembered the lesson of the previous day and didn't want to walk away with this guy's energy and my frustration from it.

I rolled down my window, and without any blame just said, “It's kind of tight!” The guy heard me, understood what I meant, and walked to the edge of the truck. He looked down and started directing me with his hands, acting like a mirror so I could see how far to go forward before I hit his truck. With his help I was able to shimmy out the parking spot.

A change acknowledged

As I drove away, I suddenly realized I had acted differently. I had engaged in the relationship in a way that allowed him to help me, and I came away having a nice time instead of fuming.

Where I usually experienced isolation, I experienced connection, and I didn't carry the energy of the conflict with me throughout the rest of the day.

Closing thoughts

Once you see a theme unfolding your life, you will continue to see synchronicities. The trick is to recognize that, yes indeed, this situation is similar to a previous situation in some key important way. Your job is to connect the dots and see the similarities, so that you can learn about yourself and find new ways--more satisfying ways--to engage with what challenges you.

Welcome to a Leap to Wholeness

We are starting a new series of social media posts around my second book, Leap to Wholeness, How the World is Programmed to Help Us Grow, Heal, and Adapt. One of the big themes in the book is identifying the filters that color the way we look at the world and ourselves. When we can identify a filter or belief we have, without trying to change it, we naturally start to see it better and it's easier to see beyond it. I offer this as a way of healing our old patterns of behavior.