Finding meaningful actions even when you're uncertain

How does being vulnerable help us feel like we have a place in the universe?

I sometimes avoid sharing vulnerable things because I'm afraid of how I will be perceived. And yet, when we share our vulnerabilities, people so often respond with greater connection.

Being clear and at peace with our limitations invites connection more than criticism.

Getting clear on our limitations

This week I decided I had to rehome the cat I've been caring for over the last two years. When I offered to care for her, I thought it would be temporary, but it wasn't. Now that I am realizing that taking care of her is too much for me, I feel guilty. I feel ashamed. I keep saying to myself, “I should be able to...."

But I'm clear that it's not working for me anymore. The way I got to this decision was authentic for me. I didn't take any of it lightly. I inquired about what was best for me, and what was best for the cat, and I was able to honor the guilt and still be free to make an honest decision.

Being clear in myself makes me less worried about whether it's the "right" thing.

Finding the underlying filter

As I was struggling with this, I sat in meditation and a phrase came to me: “I took on a burden I didn't want.”

That stopped me in my tracks. My chest relaxed, I took a deep breath, and I said it again: “I took on a burden I didn't want.”

It's not a judgment, it's not a criticism, it's not a complaint. That statement doesn't invite problem-solving or beg to be changed. It's simply describing what happened in the most basic way.

Then I looked at other areas of my life and I said that same phrase to myself.

When I'm self-conscious about asking a dumb question, am I taking on a burden I don't want? "...Getting other people to like me..."

When I'm insecure and panicky about what songs to play in a concert, am I taking on a burden I don't want? "...Making sure other people have a good time..."

When I'm not completely honest with someone, am I taking on a burden I don't want? "...Making sure other people aren't uncomfortable..."

I had found an underlying filter or way of thinking ("I should be able to...take on this burden") that was affecting me in many situations.

We each have a place

Seeing the way that behavior was controlling many aspects of my life allowed me more clarity on this choice about the cat.

I can't care for the cat, I can't control whether other people like me, I can't control whether other people have a good time, I can't guess what music they will like, and I can't know what will or won't make someone uncomfortable.

Yet, by accepting my vulnerabilities, limitations, and preferences, I feel more honest and whole. Because of that, I don't worry about feeling judged for my choices and my limitations. I am becoming more aware of my place in the Universe, where I fit, how I compare.

And this freedom to be myself is healing.

Update: We found her a new home with wonderful people, and I feel so relieved!

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