5) Wholeness: Transforming Our Relationship to Power, part 2
Continued from part 1
In the previous post, we introduced the concept of power in physics and the related metaphorical concepts of outer power and inner power. We discussed insecurity as a source for exploitative mindset, and wholeness as a remedy. In the second half of the article below, we take a more personal perspective on insecurity and inner power, suggesting that Wholeness can benefit from an expanded awareness of synchronicity in your life.
Insecurity affects life decisions
I often feel insecure about my worth, and my feeling of insecurity about money has sometimes limited the options I have been able to see for myself.
At one point in my career, I tried to take a leap to becoming an author, but was scared to leave the “known” in favor of the “unknown”. So I chose to wait and see. No choice. Then life intervened. A week later a confluence of events occurred at work, a synchronicity, and I was promoted to a position of leadership. I doubled my hours at work, and the dream of publishing a book was postponed.
By staying in my job, I gained influence but gave up autonomy. This can be framed in terms of power. In a recent study (reported in The Atlantic), the authors conclude, “Gaining autonomy (over one’s self) quenches the desire for power, but gaining influence does not.” The study seems to say that people want the freedom to be themselves and live the way they want to live. This could be called wholeness.
In my expanded role at work, I had more influence. But within a year it was clear that this was not the path for me. As the study suggests, I wanted autonomy, not power over others.
Why was leaving this job a hard decision? My wife was employed, and I knew I could get a loan or another job. I wasn’t aware then how privileged this perspective was. Yet I was still afraid of not having enough money. I still felt insecure. What, I wonder, would make me feel more secure? Did I need a bigger buffer between me and the unknown? If someone with my resources and privileges feels materially insecure, how much is ever enough? This feeling compelled me to inquire into how insecurity holds me and probably many others back.
For marginalized or underprivileged members of the community, having access to resources to build wealth and health can be crucial for increasing security, but in my case the worry was not justified. To the degree that I and others experience this sort of economic privilege, security seems to be less about the outer and more about the inner.
On the surface, the unknown-ness of the future feels scary and can get in the way of shaping one’s destiny, as it did when I chose not to leave my job. But I wonder if when we experience ourselves as whole (and if we live within a nondiscriminatory society that doesn’t oppress our opportunities for Wholeness!) we may be more able to trust the unknown.
Insecurity can sometimes relate to self-interest
When we feel insecure it is natural to try to control things. We do need to control things in order to get things done, and so we apply power. The sturdiness of the metal cylinder in an engine allows it to convey the power of exploding gasoline from the piston to the driveshaft and drive the car. But if the piston is held fixed in place, the engine doesn’t run and the car won’t drive. Too much control and no power is conveyed.
Similarly, when we ourselves exert too much control, there may be a hidden cost. We may erode trust or alienate ourselves from others. We may miss opportunities to adapt to change.
Why am I sometime inflexible? Sometimes this occurs when I feel insecure inside. “Am I doing a good enough job at...? How do I make sure this situation turns out ok? Will I get rewarded for ...ABC? How do I protect my reputation from ...XYZ?” When this happens I find myself thinking about my needs more than those of other people, and probably feeling pretty bad, too.
When we’re worried about our own well-being, it can be hard to trust the unknown. And although uncertainty is clearly a fact of life, in some cases insecurity may be more of a choice of mindset.
Synchronicity is a human technology
Here is the central point. As we struggle to keep our ship upright—to balance our books, to maintain our home, to work for justice, to heal our environment—we can leverage synchronicity at crucial moments of change. Synchronicity acts as a human technology, a way in which our mindset and our actions play off of the circumstances of life to bring meaningful coincidences into our lives.
Have you ever faced a difficulty that you nearly gave up on, but discovered an unexpected solution at the last moment? I think of synchronicity like Social Security; it can’t pay for everything, but it provides a foundation you can trust and plan from. When you want to change your life but don’t know how to step across the gap, more often than not you can lean in with courage and commitment and rely on synchronicity.
When I didn’t leave my job in the earlier story, synchronicity changed things up to help me move along my path. It wasn’t the direction I intended, but it was the direction I unconsciously chose. A year later, I had more resolve and so my financial uncertainty didn’t stop me. Then when I quit, my boss asked me to stay on part time to consult for a while. This unexpected income helped me close the gap until grad school started.
Through a habit of expecting synchronicity we may be able to come back to Wholeness. When we expect synchronicity, we may be more trusting of the unknown, and more open to diverse views. This can heal our relationships if it helps us be more accepting of each other. Of course, it is not always good to be more trusting of circumstances or people. We have to use discernment to know for ourselves what is right.
Synchronicity doesn’t fix our problems. Rather, it can often put us in situations that help us learn along our journey. When an obstacle occurs, such as a delayed flight at the airport, we look to the synchronicities around us for clues. This can help us stay open to the unexpected. Is there another, better flight you could switch to? Is this an opportunity to stay in town and visit with friends for the night? Then we look inside ourselves for the answers.
Helpful guidance sometimes comes in unforeseen ways when we have already set out on our journey, but probably not before. As when I was deciding to leave my job, often we need to make the first move. We could say, “fate follows free will”. Synchronicity helps guide the way once we step forward into the unknown.
A new North Star
Those in situations of chronic stress and anxiety may not have the luxury of carefully weighing options or reading between the lines to find the synchronicity. Sometimes we have to solve problems in the most direct and immediate ways available. But when that is not the case, my experience is that synchronicity can provide a way to get into flow and find hidden solutions, to heal old wounds and bridge the gaps. Sometimes synchronicity can give us a broader perspective on our problems, and help us let go of the stress we feel.
I’d like to revisit how power factors in. Why does power sometimes corrupt our good intentions? Why is there sometimes a male-dominated hierarchy in the workplace? Why is there sometimes unconscious discrimination against people of color in mortgages and loans?
I can’t speak to the complexity of these situations, so I don’t know the answer. But I imagine a lack of Wholeness is a part of it. When we don’t feel whole, we are less likely to treat others well. We may be more likely to focus on ourselves and our own insecurities, than to be concerned for another person’s experience.
Rather than look outside ourselves to fix our insecurity, we look inside ourselves to find what is in the way of feeling whole. Inner Wholeness is our North Star, the focus we come back to when our life feels scary or out of balance.
There are many systemic obstacles to Wholeness, many institutions which perpetuate divisions between people and within an individual. Racism in lending, corporate charters which externalize costs, political revolving doors which allow money to corrupt leadership. I just wonder if we come at life with a sense of Wholeness, we can gradually chip away at these institutions through daily actions.
With synchronicity providing a safety net we can sometimes transform insecurity into faith, and set our sails through a sea of uncertainty toward our persistent North Star: Wholeness. Each day as we get closer, we reduce our fractured nature and become more purposeful, energized, and engaged. Outer change comes from developing inner power, and Wholeness is the means.