How synchronicity helped me heal my wound and become a better self-advocate

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Synchronicity shows up in life not to match our expectations, but to show us where we can heal and grow.

Some people who know me through my writing would be surprised to know that I am a very shy person. I have gotten the feedback that I seem very extroverted, maybe pretty confident. People think I am really good at marketing myself but, probably like many folks, it is mostly a learned skill. I learned to self-advocate out of necessity, and synchronicity has been a part of that process.

I had an example of this recently. I visited a spiritual community where I would like to have a chance to talk about my book. I had reached out to them many months ago by email, with no response. This particular day I took the time to go to the center and attend a Sunday morning service. Afterwards, I sought out the bookstore director and introduced myself.

To my surprise, she was quite happy to meet me. I asked her if she’d be interested in having the book in her store, and she said,

“Once a month after Sunday services we have authors give short lectures for a half hour, but I suppose you’d like to do a longer Sunday afternoon event, like a workshop?”

In response I told her that I can do a longer workshop, but that I would also be happy with a half hour book talk. She responded,

“In fact, you could come in and give the sermon on a Sunday morning, have you done that before?” I told her that certainly I had, and in fact I had two such engagements in the next month.

“Well then,” she said, “Let’s go talk to the Minister.” Up until now I had advocated for myself mostly by going along with her suggestions.

We found the Minister in the next building, and my friendly advocate the bookstore manager said,

“Reverend, this is Sky Nelson-Isaacs, he’d like to give the sermon for a Sunday morning service coming up.”

Now wait up…? That was her idea, not mine. That was a very bold statement. He replied directly,

“No.”

I felt like life had set me up to this. I was feeling shy, and this woman had shown up in my path to advocate for me much more than I had for myself. Now I was exposed for what I really wanted. But at this point I was not going to back down from it. My job was simply to say yes to life. I said to the Minister,

“Well, I don’t mean to intrude. I would be happy to be of service with my work in whatever way is best for the community.”

I was embarrassed. Yet as we talked, he gradually softened his stance and was open to considering me for that role should the opportunity arise.

I walked away somewhat embarrassed, somewhat invigorated. I had gotten more than I bargained for from the conversation. I consider the bookstore manager’s suggestions to be a form of synchronicity. It was an unexpected idea that aligned with my inner goals, and I used the LORRAX steps from my book to get into flow. I (L)istened and noticed her suggestion; I (O)pened my mind even when the shy part of me said “no way!”; I (R)eflected on the fact that her suggestion was definitely exciting to me, something I wanted; I (R)eleased my attachment to being polite or understated (something many people seem to be able to identify with); and then I (A)cted by following her lead. The flow led me straight to the minister and the conversation I really wanted to have.

Being shy is not a problem, and this story is not about the benefits of being extroverted. When being shy is an expression of our humility, gentleness, or other genuine qualities, shyness is a beautiful thing that is worthy of respect.

When shy comes from a place of woundedness, when we are shy because we are insecure and believe we are unworthy, then I believe synchronicities will show up to lead us out of our wound. After all, the bookstore manager was right about my ultimate goals; I did want to speak for Sunday services, but for whatever reason I didn’t feel right about coming right out and saying so.

The flow leads toward healing, and the LORRAX process outlined above is one way to get into alignment with the healing process of flow.