The Power of an Open Heart
In some cases for better and in some cases for worse, recent years have had elements of the surreal, as we’ve dealt with a pandemic, a political roller coaster, and event after event that makes us ask if things could get any more weird. I generally avoid the word “weird” and ask myself how the situation at hand may be serving a hidden purpose. Synchronicity, in the way that I view it, is a result of the way Mother Nature is programmed. There seems to be a mechanism (my own proposal is called meaningful history selection) by which events seem to have an order to them. The order is often obscured, hidden from us by our filters of habitual thoughts, emotions, and beliefs.
It seems self-evident to me that there is a benefit gained by comprehending the hidden order in a situation before it imposes itself on our lives. For instance, our spouse asks us to become more involved in managing our kids’ social schedule, and shortly thereafter an email arrives from school about an upcoming event. By connecting the dots, you may appreciate the second event as a particular implementation of the first, i.e. the request was made and then the opportunity to fulfill the request emerged. A greater ability to make these connections leads, for instance, to an enhanced family relationship.
Often the ability to make these connections is inhibited by our emotional filters or beliefs. It’s hard to understand what life is trying to show us when we have a strong feeling about something. If I feel angry about my spouse’s comment, I might not see the opportunity to fulfill it. The anger is a filter that comes from some prior experience, and often involves an experience of pain of some kind. Maybe we can generalize and say that psychological distress from the past can keep the patterns trying to emerge in the present hidden from us.
What is an open heart?
My definition of an “open heart” is simply the ability to feel sensations in my body without associating a mental narrative about them. In other words, I can feel uncomfortable tightness in my chest when my spouse makes their request, but I don’t engage in the habitual thoughts (“I already do that!”). Or I can feel an uncomfortable twist in my gut when I receive a difficult email from a client without engaging in the habitual thought of “They’re unhappy and it’s my fault.”
Sensations in the body are a great way to move through difficult experiences. When we can disconnect the way we feel from the decisions we make on how to act, we often lessen the inadvertent trouble that our choices can cause. The sensation I feel in my body when my boss unfairly criticizes me is uncomfortable but much more tolerable than the thoughts it generates about my long term future or about my safety in the present.
To have a bit more freedom to respond to your circumstances without reacting to what you're feeling, you can try the following. First, notice the situation happening in the moment. If you’re uncomfortable, take a moment to acknowledge that. Second, try to identify the feeling in your body—where is it? What’s it like?—and identify the emotion behind it. Third, ask yourself “Where have I felt this feeling before?” It may be anger, or defensiveness, or shame, or irritation, or disappointment, or something else. Why is this feeling familiar? When or where have I previously experienced it? Now, ask yourself what your story is about the feeling. It may be, “When my boss is unfair, I worry that if I don’t respond correctly to them I will lose my job.” Or it may be, “...I worry that others in my department don’t think I can do a good job.”
Whatever your thoughts are, although these statements may be true, you don’t really know how things are going to unfold. You’re best bet from a synchronicity point of view is to experience the physical sensation but try to drop the story about it. Then you are more available to connect the dots and find something you can do to navigate through the turmoil.
A practical tool
An open heart is a physical sensation of openness in our body without a mental stance of having to do something about it. It often feels like a loosening in the chest. It can be enhanced by laughing, crying authentically, or getting physical exercise. It helps us cut through our own inner filters to see what’s going on under the surface of a situation. With an open heart we can often find compassion for others, which helps us respond to them in a less reactive way.
Through practicing open-heartedness, we may find that fewer of our actions lead to trouble. We notice our personal reactivity before we respond to our spouse or our boss, and we are less likely to look back with regret and think to ourselves, “Oh my, why did I say that?” An open heart is just a practical tool for navigating change in your life without deepening the difficult circumstances you may find yourself in.